Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
