Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
