i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
