I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
