people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
