It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
