so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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