I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
