just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
