he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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