I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize