then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He did a backflip because drugs
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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