you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize