I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
