Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
