dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
