One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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