I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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