You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
