There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
