Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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