You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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