So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You ate ashes out of my bong
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