i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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