If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize