so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
