I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
