I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
