What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
