i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
