I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize