i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize