I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
