are you so shy because you have an std?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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