Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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