Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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