Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
why is half of my head shaved?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
