I'm so fucking centered right now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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