I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
