After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
