Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
