wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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