clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
