I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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