at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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