There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize