She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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