i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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