Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're like the curious george of whores
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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