Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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