u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The power of my boobs compel you
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