Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we made out on top of his cat.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
