apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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