I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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