We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
