someone threw a dead crab at me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
