I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
