we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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