Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize