Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
