OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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