can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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