Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Green mimosas i think yes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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