apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
