peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
