Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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