I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this beer tastes like vomit already
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
